Losing weight is never easy. Every person who is trying to lose weight feels he/ she failed somehow. When I talk to my clients about their weight, most of them consider the extra weight as a punishment for not doing the right thing.
From very early stage we are programed to think that when we don’t do the right thing, we will suffer the consequences and when we think about the pain associated with extra weight, (physical and emotional pain) we bounce between excusing ourselves (my mum was always fat, I gave birth, I don’t have time…) and blaming ourselves for failing to keep the “right” weight. (I’m a loser!)
I remember myself at the age of 27, with a 4-year-old daughter, healthy, fit and slim, I was trying to weigh the same as I was at the age of 16. I had this number in my head that I was trying to reach and I wasn’t sure why.
I’m here to say that “Why?” is very important in this weight journey.
Think of yourself as a ship sailing in the sea of life. Your captain is your conscious mind, and your crew is your conscious mind. You think that your captain controls the ship but you are wrong. Science found that our conscious mind is only in charge of 10% of our decision making while our subconscious is in charge of 90% of our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, needs and actions. If you feel sometimes that your life is out of control, welcome to reality, it is because you are not controlling your ship, your crew does.
Our crew, our subconscious mind, is a superior mechanism collecting information and programed to protect us. They are so good at their job that eating and overeating, eating junk or even not eating is also their way of protecting us. If they think we are in danger, they will do anything to protect us. If we are losing energy due to stress they increase cortisol, which makes us hungry and seek frantically easy petrol stations that will give us the most energy we need in the next second – sugar or simple carbs.
We are in control when our captains and crew communicate with each other and are in a good relationship. We feel out of control when our crew takes over the control because they think we are not adequate to run the ship at the moment. When that happens, we feel ashamed and punished for “bad behavior” where in fact, they take over the control because our motives are not pure.
I ask every person who is working on his health the reasons for embarking on this journey. Why do I ask? Because I want them to understand their own motives so they better their relationships with their own crew and become a participant in this sailing journey towards their ideal weight or ideal relationship with themselves.
Many times, I get answers that explain why they can’t achieve what they want. “I don’t know” is the most common answer. Imagine a captain going to his crew and saying, “I want us to start sailing 83 degrees north” and when the crew ask “why?” he answers “I don’t know”.
Life is a movement. If we want to participate in life, we have to move. Without the right motive we will stay stuck and without motivation we won’t have enough fuel to last the journey.
Successful people have a burning “Why?”. They get up in the morning and they know exactly why they’re doing what they are doing. When you ask them why? They have a very clear and confident answer. They don’t feel sorry for themselves. They don’t blame themselves and or others for their challenges, they take responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings and actions and the only people they feel they need to please is themselves. (All aspects of self: Captain and crew).
Why is a very important part of any change we wish to create. It is important because we must introduce it to our crew if we want them to change the course from gaining weight to losing weight. As I said before, if the crew found out that eating cake, is Ronit’s way of managing her stress and seek comfort, then Ronit needs to explain to them, in the best way possible that it is better to find an alternative to cake because it is no longer useful for Ronit. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying it is an easy task but I’m saying that it is a necessary task because without it, cake, or versions of it, will stay my way to seek comfort, forever!
Every change we wish to create in life requires convincing the crew that we are ready for the (different) ride, otherwise, they don’t change direction, no matter how frustrated we are. The first question they will ask is “Why?” and you better have a good answer. It is almost like a trial. You can either be convincing, or convicted by your crew, to keep eating cakes forever.
Here are some things to consider when examining your own “why?.” You can convince the crew to change course only if your motives are not to please anyone else or, and not because you are afraid of someone else’s reaction.
Let me explain.
If I want to change my eating habits from eating a cake to eating capsicum, the reason for the change cannot be because someone said something nasty about my weight, I was punished, ridiculed, mocked, bribed, or shamed. This is very challenging because most of us heard unpleasant things about our extra weight and the main reason we are willing to starve ourselves is that we want this to stop. We convince ourselves that if we’ll be slim and toned, we won’t experience those painful feelings, but we fall into the trap of the disease to please. It is called a disease for a reason.
Pleasing others is never a reason the crew will accept because pleasing others is a sign of fear and fear cannot be the reason to change the course of life. If you are a parent, think of your own desire to protect your own children. Would you be comfortable your child is doing whatever others (his friends, social media, your own parents, the neighbor, a stranger…) expect him to do? What if “others” have different expectations from him?
When we have the disease to please, we can’t think clearly, and we are easily subject to pressure. It is called a disease because we are so stressed and so fearful, we can’t take care of our own interests. When we are in such fear, our crew takes the wheel, and our ship is moving nowhere.
Jealousy is another reason the crew will refuse change. If you dig deep, you understand that jealousy is associated with thinking we lack something. Lack means we are not confident in our own “skin”, therefore we can lead any crew. It is when we see what is missing in our life instead of what we already have. Crew members consider captains who are not appreciative as inadequate leaders.
Confidence is a key word in convincing our crew to change course. When we come with confidence to our crew, they know we mean “business.” They are more likely to examine our request and even help us.
Do not confuse being confident in our body with being confident about wanting to change! Obviously, I want a change because I’m not happy about something, but it does not mean that I can’t be confident about my desire to change it.
Motivation is the desire to move towards somewhere and to understand it, all you have to do is realize that it is just another word to being confident. I’m motivated when I’m confident about my desire to change!
When my why is proper and meant to please me and I don’t consider myself in a position of lack I have a better chance of convincing my subconscious (the crew) to take me to the heaven of my healthy life. When I have the right motives and the right motivation, I can do amazing things.
I think you can too!
Good luck on your journey towards healthy weight. It starts with establishing a relationship between your captain and your crew. Start today!
Make your day a great day!
Ronit
https://www.behappyinlife.com
