You all know that fasting is a lifestyle for me. I feel very good when I fast. Thankfully I have no health issues for the fasting to heal but I believe in autophagy, so I know it gives my body a break and opportunity to do what it needs to do without disturbance.
Several days after I started the last fast a good friend of mine asked me why? It got me thinking. What triggered this fast, and my answer to myself was something I must confess.
For the last six months, I didn’t take care of myself very much in terms of sticking to my healthy eating. I was still on low carb mostly but went off track many times ( too many times apparently) and my weight started going up. It is always slowly. Not that I care so much about the number, but I started feeling uncomfortable after the meals that were not so good for me.
The thought I had was “ leave it, the company of other people is more important. Don’t make them feel uncomfortable about you eating something different. Let go, have your priorities right…” and because I love the company of others and I’m constantly in company, you can imagine, how many times I said it to myself.
In November I had to go and spend time with my mother overseas. Leading up to my “trip” was extremely stressful. Family struggles, Caregiver and it was a big operation. My flight was not confirmed a week before the flight and so many things were dependent on me coming at a specific time and I was stressed. I couldn’t plan what to do if I go, I could plan what to do if I don’t go and I was in limbo. I could roughly manage my own uncertainty but could not manage other’s uncertainty. That threw me off big time from caring about what I eat. ( Keto, low carb, whole food, no gluten, no junk, no sugar, no seed oil…)
The weight I have been keeping stable for years, went up.
When I was with my mum and family. This was the motto of my visit. “Let go. What you are doing is more important. The company is more important. You don’t see them often. Don’t make them feel uncomfortable hosting you” especially when my youngest sister was totally pissed off hearing about keto. If I said anything about food, she became aggressive. I’m a very flexible person. I go places and say nothing and just eat the things that are good for me and some days at my youngest sister the meal was simply spaghetti bolognas , zero vegetables and no, she mixed the meat with the spaghetti, so I had no options of picking the mince from it.
When I decided to take my mother to eat in a restaurant. ( twice a week on average) The idea was to stimulate her senses and because all those times I want with my sisters and their kids, we had to order many carbs meals. It was easy for me to choose the things that are good for me but my mum, would force me to eat what she ate, otherwise she wouldn’t eat it ( she didn’t force anyone else) so I said the same thing. “Let go, Ronit. It is more important for her to try different food. If it makes her feel better, eat it!” and I did. So, the weight went up again.
When I came home after two months, hoping to go back to controlling what I eat. I have been summoned to Jury duty for five weeks which meant that at 5pm every day, I get a message if I’m needed the following day. I could not plan anything. Certainty was again part of my everyday life.
Obviously , after two months of not seeing family and friends, the company was huge and again, I said the exact same thing “ Come on, you haven’t been here for two months. Let go. The company of the children/grandchildren/ friends is more important” and it was hard, hard, so hard to stick to my plan. There were sooooooo many fruits in the house. So many restaurants, so many get togethers, I could get in roughly a day a week that I was on track.
My weight went up again.
But worse, I started snoring. I had a cough that was hard to clear, I lost my voice ( first time in 42 years). My tummy was swollen, I couldn’t bend, I was breathing heavily, My immune system was not Happy with that.
And then it hit me.
My consideration button is constantly on but when I say, “ the company of others is more important” I immediately say that “my health and wellbeing is less important” and that does not go hand in hand with my philosophy that when the oxygen mask on the plane falls, we must put the oxygen mask on our mouth first. The following morning, I started my fast.
The whole time I didn’t have to fight hunger, tiredness, or anything like that because fasting makes me very sharp, and I become an observer. It is like I can hear my thoughts clearer. The sounds are stronger, and some things are clear to me. ( not physically clear) and I have peace inside and it allows me to observe better, notice small things and be tuned to my body. It is a great feeling.
What I had to fight was what triggers me to turn on the consideration button. Every person’s negative statement about my fast or worse, every statement how much my fast inconvenient other people tempted me to “be considerate” and stop. It basically meant I had to avoid the company of others as much as possible and the Jury duty burden was very helpful in that sense. When everyone ate their own lunch in a huge garden, in singles or pairs, I picked a far away bench and listen to music and drank my water.
I needed to remind myself several times a day every day, I do it for me, for my health. Not to convince anyone, not to for them to like me, to approve of me, to apricate me. I need to appreciate me, no one else, it wasn’t about them, it was about me.
In the movie “the Help” the maid tells the girl she is caring for. The phrase “ You is kind, you is smart, you is important” . I needed to say to myself the last part “you are important”
Why did I go through the last fast?
Because I’m important!
Ronit
The Happiness Coach
https://www.behappyinlife.com
https://www.ronitbaras.com/
