I have been in this ketogenic lifestyle journey for over seven years. It was easier to change my beliefs and see the weight coming off me than to share it with people who hold on to the belief that it was impossible. ”What? having so much cream?… What? Fasting for seven days? It must be bad for you!”
What do you mean impossible? I just did!
I understand why they say it, nevertheless, it is hard to share it with them.
The struggle of changing my eating habits was easier than sharing it with others who kept telling me off. I never thought that on top of succeeding I have to choose who I share my success with.
As a life coach, I’m in the profession of changing beliefs, changing mindset, changing lives. As an individual person, I stay away from it as much as possible. I suggest you do the same! There is no point trying to prove to others that something we do successfully , needs their seal of approval. There is an art in learning how people think and how to decide who will be supportive and make us feel better about our progress and who will make us feel bad regardless of our progress.
People reject ideas that question their own existing beliefs. Even if they are not actually asked to change them. I remember that years ago, when my husband, my daughter and I moved to a new country ( originally for a vacation of 2-3 years and try something different) It challenged some of our friends and family members mind, and they considered our move as a criticism on their choice to … stay. We never asked them to move. We said we were exploring something new, and it was temporary, they still felt challenged. 30 years after, some of them still challenged by this idea ( we just extended the vacation…)
Most people hold their beliefs so dear, they don’t understand that beliefs are there to serve us and not the other way. Beliefs need to be our servants not our masters. They need to serve what we wish to achieve instead of us hurting ourselves ( or in my case, the relationship) just so we could keep them.
Beliefs are not good or bad, they either serve us or not. The question I need to ask myself at any stage of my health transition, does it serve me or not?
If you want to understand yourself in this process and also learn who to choose to share your success with, learn about the guardians we have in our mind who are there to protect us.
In our mind, there are different guardians of beliefs. . It is amazing that the guardians develop their own personality. We have to know our own guardians and other’s guardians, if we want to handle ourselves or others, while attempting to reach our optimal health.
Please note, they can appear as an individual guardian or in combination.
The naïve guardian
The naïve guardian is very accepting but also gullible . His doubt is not very strong or solid. This guardian will ask soft, simple questions, as if giving you more tools to convince him that it works and accept everything as true.
Those people will try any new diet they hear about but won’t stick to it necessary. They will ask you to share your experience and won’t judge or criticize you. This belief guardian is the easiest to convince. He wants you to convince him, so he gives you lots of clues to do that.
If you are on the receiving end of this transaction, ( your belief guardian is naïve) it is also easy to manipulate you to do things that are not the best for you. It is easy to sell you things, easy to convince you that you can’t do it on your own, that you need medication, that you’ll die from so much “fat”… So, be careful!
If you want to find out whether this is the personality of your guardian, ask yourself if you are easily influenced. If you are, just hang around people that have a good influence on you. People that having this guardian, must surround themselves with likeminded people that push them towards their own goals. If this guardian is your dominant one and your goal is to avoid alcohol for example, don’t join a wine club.
The scientific guardian
This guy needs facts, figures, research and statistics to be convinced. Whenever you present a new claim to him, he quotes information from some research or article he has seen that proves it to be wrong or irrelevant. This belief guardian has a filter that says, “If someone has researched it, it must be true”.
For such people, personal examples will not be sufficient and if you want to convince them to do something, you need to research yourself for statistics, facts and figures that clearly supports your personal experience.
If you want to find out whether this is your guardian personality, ask yourself if research and statistics give you reassurance. If they do, use them to your advantage. Do your own research that supports what you are experiencing. If you haven’t found some, look again. I found information on page 17 in my google search. Seek and you shall find.
If you are trying this low carb lifestyle and it works for you, stay away from trying to prove to those people that … it works for you.
If you are talking to the scientists, don’t fall into the trap of talking research to support your success in this low carb lifestyle. You are a one-man lab and whatever happened to you is 100% statistics! If they drag you into statistics and research, say “ I’m sure it not relevant to everyone, this is what works for me”.
The anti-science guardian
Facts, figures, research and statistics put this belief guardian off and make it work overtime. Every time you present a bit of research to them, they say that it was probably done on 3 people ( and a rat) that it was sponsored by some company as a promotion, that the figures were faked to make it look good or that for every research that proves something there is another one that proves the opposite.
If you have heard yourself saying anything like these, you probably use the anti- science guardian to reject beliefs that could be good for you to have. Remember, every time you are saying something like that, you are shooting a potential belief that could make you healthy. Learn to listen and examine new ideas when you are calm and relaxed not surrounded by others. If a new belief work well with other things you already believe, go for it! If not, reject them but you don’t have to tell others you reject them.
If you are in contact with a person that this is his main guardian, focus on the personal experience and make sure to add “ this is what works for me”.
The suspicious guardian
This type looks for hidden agendas, hidden meaning, and hidden motives. Instead of examining potential new beliefs, he is preoccupied with the source of the new idea. For this belief guardian, the message is not important at all and is not even registered, as his focus is on “Why did she say that? What was he trying to do to me? What were their motives?”
If you are examining changing your eating habits to a low carb and this is your main guardian, you must be looking at “what are they trying to sell me?” trap. Remember, the information is free. Millions of people successfully used it freely, just by watching videos, reading blogs, following podcasts.
It is true, everyone has an agenda. I personally believe they were trying to “sell” me health! ( lucky me, my sister who lost about 60 kg “sold” me this lifestyle in the first place) Don’t reject things on the spot, examine them.
People having this main guardian are constantly looking for a hidden agenda and very suspicious. They find it hard to change their lifestyle and habits and they are constantly on high alert.
Those people would need a help of people they trust in a form of friend or relative. If they don’t have them, they would need a professional help.
If you are talking to someone having this guardian, let go of trying to convince him/her that your new habit worked for you, because they will be suspicious anyway. If they can’t be happy for you that you are doing well, let go of the need for their “approval”.
The bulletproof guardian
Some people need beliefs to be bulletproof in order to be considered. A person having this type of guardian will expect the belief to be applicable in all conditions. This guardian uses the filter, “If there is even one example for which this belief does not apply, reject it”.
This indicates an all-or-nothing personality, and they will always have one example to prove the opposite and reject the new belief. Obviously, not every person changing to a low carb lifestyle, will have the same success and they will use it to prove to you that it is a bad idea.
This belief guardian’s most useful weapon is the word “But”. He uses it not only when others present him with a new belief, but also in internal conversations. He comes up with a belief and shoots it with a “but”.
If you use the word “but” a lot, that means your bulletproof guardian is in action.
If you are sharing your experience with a person that this is his main guardian, let go! Talking to this person will do more damage to your motivation than a cake full of white sugar.
Why?
Because it’ll turn on your doubt button. Those people make you question everything you do. ( it is a form of gaslighting).
Remember, you change your eating habits for yourself! Not to please anyone else and to make it work, you need to do it without any doubt.
The procrastinator guardian
This type is indecisive about which belief to adopt. He has some kind of “split personality”, taking an option and its opposite, and juggling between them continuously. He says, “If I believe this, it will be good for me, but if I believe the opposite, it can also be good for me”. Or worse, “ If I accept this belief it will be bad for me and if I adopt the opposite, it’ll be bad for me too” Because none of them stands out, he never chooses between them.
People who have such a belief guardian find it hard to see more value in one option. They do everything within their (subconscious) power to give each belief and its opposite the same rating and let circumstances make their choices for them.
For example, they will be fed up with their health, complain, but do nothing about it. Doing something to change their health is good but… not doing anything is… also good.
If you put things off a lot and have a huge list of things you need/want to do but never do, if you call yourself a procrastinator or if others consider you a procrastinator, it is a good idea to come up with a system to make choices.
For most people, the rules for making choices are internal, but for people with a procrastinator guardian, the rules must be external and systematic. For example, If I try a new habit, I stick to it for 3 months or I will eat low carb for 3 weeks and if I don’t see any difference, I will try a new lifestyle. Put the rule on a piece of paper to prevent this belief guardian to take over (this is why goal setting is always done on paper in writing).
Talking to people who have this as main guardian is never an issue. You can share your success with them, and they will listen. Just take into consideration they will complain about their health issues and do nothing, absolutely nothing about it.
The doom and gloom fortune-teller guardian
The doom and gloom fortune teller guardian takes every new belief and projects it in his mind into a horrible future, using that final image to reject the new belief. This belief guardian is very creative and imaginative.
People with this type of guardian use futuristic statements like, “It will end up badly” or “This will get you in trouble”. “ You’ll get sick if you continue having so many calories a day” This belief guardian is pessimistic and sees bad endings everywhere. He is also a bit depressed and has no hope.
It is very easy to identify this guardian, for he is very scared of change and talks about how things will turn against him if he adopts a new belief. It is a bit hard to convince such a person that his belief guardian is not a good fortune teller without optimism, hope and faith.
If you find yourself thinking about a negative, unhappy, sad, and horrible future, your fortune teller guardian has taken over. If you are starting this low carb lifestyle with this as the main guardian, you have a huge challenge because he will get you into panic mode with any changes you are experiencing.
Try finding a safe space, relaxed, with great, supportive people and without any pressure. I suggest you find a professional help to take control over your life because this guardian is damaging in many other areas of life.
If you are talking to people that this is their main guardian, again, let go of trying to convince them that this is a good lifestyle. You can’t! their fear of the future is so huge that any change they will make must come from within them. They might even turn it back to you and try to convince you that what you are doing will kill you.
To help you survive this journey, stay away from the doom and gloom fortune tellers in general, because they will make you doubt yourself.
We all have one or more of these guardians and they are there to protect us. We don’t want them to protect beliefs that are not healthy for us. We don’t fight them; we work with them and change our sensitivity to them. If they don’t see danger so much, we’ll make the transition to a healthy life, faster.
When sharing your journey with others, it is good to know who you are sharing it with . Some people will support you. Find them! Share it with them. They will be happy for your progress.
Some people will make you feel bad about your progress and success, stay away from them! Let go of trying to convince them or requesting their approval. They will be an obstacle. It is because of their own upbringing and challenges, and it has nothing to do with you. Changing a lifestyle is challenging in itself, you don’t need extra burden. Chose your battles!
Wishing you constant progress in your quest to a happy, healthy life.
Make your day a great day!
Ronit
Whole food Revolution’s Happiness coach
https://www.behappyinlife.com
http://ronitbaras.com
