feeling alone but not feeling lonely

Loneliness is a fear many people have. I think it is because our ancestors knew that there is power in numbers and community is important for their survival. Somewhere in our primitive brain, we think that being alone is dangerous for us. This belief is very disturbing to our health and wellbeing. 
The same way we react to perceived danger as a real threat and our body reacts  physically as if we have seen a lion or a snake, when we are by ourselves and feel lonely, we might react the same.
Imagine babies, when they don’t see mum around, they start crying because they think they are in danger. The problem is that some people continue with this connection into their adulthood.
You are probably asking yourself, why is this connected to heath, wellbeing, and whole food?
Well, when you are in danger, your body is searching for fast fuel in a form of carbs and simple sugars. It is not a choice; it is a simple primitive reaction to any form of stress.  Many people sooth their loneliness with food and do more of it when they are by themselves.

The solution 

The solution is to sort out the definition of alone and loneliness.
Being alone is when you are by yourself. ( we do many things by ourselves, go to the toilet, maybe shower, sometimes eat by ourselves)
Being lonely is when you are by yourself and feel it is dangerous for you.

People can be totally surrounded  with people and still feel lonely.
People can be all by themselves and blossom.
Sadguru said “ If you don’t like being by yourself, it is only because you have a bad company”
Enjoying the company of ourselves is an antidot to loneliness.

My first experience of alone 

I experienced it big time about 7 years ago, when my husband and son went to Africa for a drumming camp  for five weeks and my young daughter was hardly home ( studying and having fun and very independent). Until then, since I moved in with my husband, (36 years prior) I have never been on my own for more than 10 hours.   OMG, it was the first time, I learned to listen to my body. First time I ate when I wanted to eat, I went to sleep at 4am in the morning because I was busy sorting albums, I could hear my own thoughts, put the music I wanted in any volume I wanted, I was quiet when I wanted, I sang, I did my art, I wrote… the rhythm of life was totally different than the rhythm I adopted because I had a partner and had  to raise kids and be considerate of their time table/ feelings/ needs/ challenges… You name it.
It is part of being in a community, you have to adjust yourself to the rhythm of the group otherwise the group cannot function. Everyone in the “group” needs to do that and our family did it very well.
It was an amazing experiment of learning to love me, my time, my needs, my desires. Lucky me, I could do it because my kids were grown enough to care for themselves, and they were not home. I enjoyed every second of it. I was myself; I was  by myself but wasn’t lonely. Remember, feeling lonely meant I thought I was in danger. I wasn’t in danger. I blossomed.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and the kids and love their company, but I learned that the “me” time is necessary to adopt long before the kids are out of the house.  During the “me” time, when we don’t need to consider others, we serve ourselves better.

Practice your “me” time

So, my suggestion, if you want to be healthier and happier. If you want to care for your weight or wellbeing, schedule “me” times and plan them so you don’t let the demons in your head, the ones you had when you were a baby, tell you that you are in danger. You are not!

I know that some of you say “But I can’t leave my partner… I still have kids at home… there are no spare time…” with millions of excuses why not to take that time to charge their own batteries but let me tell you, I you won’t do it with awareness, your body will force it with separation, with bad social interactions, with conflicts and fights and not to mention bad physical and emotional health.
Planning can help in this transition.
If you plan this time and schedule activities that make you happy and healthy (body and mind) this baby mind will grow and evolve to confidence and joy with your own body and mind.  You are the person you will be with, for the rest of  your life.  Make sure to enjoy your own company.
 

Wishing you healthy, happy, and productive alone time 
To learn more about how to take care of your mindset check our  mindset retreat  
Hugs

Ronit